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The Declaration of Independence for Modern Readers
A Satire
by Matt Neuman (07/04/2000)
Given the recent trend to modernize classic works of literature, it seemed logical to modernize one of the great works of American literature: the Declaration of Independence. Jefferson and Co.'s affirmation of freedom and democracy is a wonderful document, but it simply doesn't speak to the current generation of TV-addicted zombies who wouldn't know a remote power from a remote control. With its archaic language and references to an unfamiliar, non-digital world, the D of I is sorely in need of an update to take it into the 21st Century. Hopefully this new version will be taught in our grade schools and civics classes, and a paper copy of it will replace the aging original now decomposing in the National Archives.
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